Life isn't fair. That phrase comes up whenever we are feeling like a victim. As a child I would say that because I had to do more chores than my brother. Or so I thought. As a teen I screamed it when I had an earlier curfew than anyone else in town. Or so I thought. As an adult I felt it when I was not selected for a promotion I felt I deserved. Or so I thought.
It's all about the perception; what do I think I deserve? How do I qualify that opinion?
What makes on person deserve more than another?
The young widow with small children to raise might ask that question.
The child born into a third world country where meals are sparse certainly might pose the question.
The family looking at the rubble that was once their home; did they deserve that storm?
It's not helpful to point out that life could always be worse. It's trite. Pain is relative. We each have difficult places in our life that we must walk through. Is it fair? Not usually.
I was on the phone with a friend to discuss some difficult things that were happening in her life. It was a conversation where the fairness of life could have easily entered in. It didn't. Instead she expressed her thoughts on how blessed she was to have her needs met.
I hung up thinking about fairness. What did I deserve out of life? In truth, I can't say I deserve what I have. I came from a life of poverty and uncertainity. My path was set for me to repeat the cycle: a single mom on welfare with no education or plans for a better future. Having been raised by a single mother I had never witnessed a marriage in action. I had no idea how to engage in a postive and successful relationship.
Yet here I am today, living in a nice home with all my needs met. I have been on some lovely Caribbean vacations, clothes are overflowing my closet, I have a nice vehicle in the driveway, and yet these things are not what I am most amazed to have in my life. My greatest treasure, and least deserved, is this adorable man that agreed to share his life with me. He is patient, loving, kind, and he makes me laugh. We have a wonderful relationship. I don't deserve him.
Life is not fair. I am so glad.
What's the point?
Success is often judged by the end result or the output. You are successful student if you graduate. A sports team needs to win a championship. You are a good employee if you completed the project. A relationship is successful if it leads the altar. A marriage is successful if you reach milestone anniversaries. Living 100 years is pretty successful- right?
Much of life is spent looking forward and aiming for the next goal. We want the bigger and more impressive home and car. We are saving to take that tropical vacation. How big is our stock portfolio? We need to save for retirement. Once I lose 10 pounds I will be a successful dieter.
As a Christian, I have heard the sermon based on the scripture “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” We are encouraged to focus on the end and make sure that we are living a life that will be found worthy when we meet our creator face-to face. That is not necessarily a bad lesson but unfortunately, it focuses on the end result and lines up nicely with the American view of success.
After we successfully reach a goal there is sometimes a celebration. People will encourage you to “enjoy the moment!” For that brief period of time there is a feeling of acceptance until, very quickly, the moment passes. It’s time to set the next goal.
Each year we watch as Hollywood actors vie for a few select awards and sometimes we hear the phrase 'Even if you don't win, It’s an honor to just be nominated.” We don’t’ really believe that. The day after the award is given we forget all about the other nominees. They were not successful, at least not according to our version of success. They were close but they did not reach the goal.
Yesterday I did some laundry, I made it to the grocery store, I hugged my son, and I told my husband I loved him but I never did get the bathroom scrubbed. I guess I was not successful. I have an advanced degree and it was fun to celebrate when I graduated but no one wants to talk about that anymore. I have had some success in my career path including breaking sales records and submitting successful proposals but I am currently not employed so I am not successful. I love God, I pray, I attend church services and I give when the offering plate is passed, but I am not one of the church leaders so I am not successful there.
Is personal success is only measured by the awards I receive or the titles that I have attached to my name? Who determines the point system? Am I really only successful if I find a group of people who will determine that I have met their criteria? Is it possible to be successful without the approval of anyone else?
What if I don’t accomplish another notable thing in my life? Will God be deeply disappointed in me? I don’t think so. He is not the one who has set these systems in place. Ecclesiastics clearly examined all of these issues and determined that none of our definitions of success were correct. In fact, they are worthless. God really doesn’t care how much money is in my 401K and He certainly doesn’t care if I lose 10 pounds. If I continue to allow myself to be judged according to society’s measure then I will always feel unworthy and lacking. I want to take myself out of the contest and release myself from the mental stronghold that tells me "I can't be successful until someone else declares it."
Today I am declaring that I am successful. Period. I do not have to list any reason except that God created me and He is directing my paths. I am succesful because I am following God. I don't need to wait until my funeral to take stock of things and wait for the approval, I have it RIGHT NOW.
Much of life is spent looking forward and aiming for the next goal. We want the bigger and more impressive home and car. We are saving to take that tropical vacation. How big is our stock portfolio? We need to save for retirement. Once I lose 10 pounds I will be a successful dieter.
As a Christian, I have heard the sermon based on the scripture “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” We are encouraged to focus on the end and make sure that we are living a life that will be found worthy when we meet our creator face-to face. That is not necessarily a bad lesson but unfortunately, it focuses on the end result and lines up nicely with the American view of success.
After we successfully reach a goal there is sometimes a celebration. People will encourage you to “enjoy the moment!” For that brief period of time there is a feeling of acceptance until, very quickly, the moment passes. It’s time to set the next goal.
Each year we watch as Hollywood actors vie for a few select awards and sometimes we hear the phrase 'Even if you don't win, It’s an honor to just be nominated.” We don’t’ really believe that. The day after the award is given we forget all about the other nominees. They were not successful, at least not according to our version of success. They were close but they did not reach the goal.
Yesterday I did some laundry, I made it to the grocery store, I hugged my son, and I told my husband I loved him but I never did get the bathroom scrubbed. I guess I was not successful. I have an advanced degree and it was fun to celebrate when I graduated but no one wants to talk about that anymore. I have had some success in my career path including breaking sales records and submitting successful proposals but I am currently not employed so I am not successful. I love God, I pray, I attend church services and I give when the offering plate is passed, but I am not one of the church leaders so I am not successful there.
Is personal success is only measured by the awards I receive or the titles that I have attached to my name? Who determines the point system? Am I really only successful if I find a group of people who will determine that I have met their criteria? Is it possible to be successful without the approval of anyone else?
What if I don’t accomplish another notable thing in my life? Will God be deeply disappointed in me? I don’t think so. He is not the one who has set these systems in place. Ecclesiastics clearly examined all of these issues and determined that none of our definitions of success were correct. In fact, they are worthless. God really doesn’t care how much money is in my 401K and He certainly doesn’t care if I lose 10 pounds. If I continue to allow myself to be judged according to society’s measure then I will always feel unworthy and lacking. I want to take myself out of the contest and release myself from the mental stronghold that tells me "I can't be successful until someone else declares it."
Today I am declaring that I am successful. Period. I do not have to list any reason except that God created me and He is directing my paths. I am succesful because I am following God. I don't need to wait until my funeral to take stock of things and wait for the approval, I have it RIGHT NOW.
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